What is Palliative Care?

A Honest Look at End-of-Life Planning

Let’s be honest… have you got time for an uncomfortable chat?

We will all die one day. But in Western society, death is often hidden, rarely spoken about openly, feared, and unplanned.

I believe that ignorance only makes dealing with your own mortality or the death of a friend or family member harder.  Yet palliative care, and everything that leads up to it, can bring incredible peace, clarity, and even joy.

This blog is the first in a series about end-of-life: how to prepare, what happens, what supports are available, and how you can create the best death possible.

Don’t worry, I promise there’ll be humour infused along the way.Here’s one to start us off: Why did the artist die? Lack of inspiration!!!

What Is Palliative Care, and Why Should We Talk About It?

In Western society, since the First World War, we have taken death out of the community and removed ourselves from many of the processes.

When people are facing a terminal illness or ageing with complex health needs, hospital care is often the default, with home care rarely considered. Those dying are moved to palliative care facilities, and handling of the dead is left to funeral services.

Some believe this shift came from the trauma of such mass loss, people wanted to protect themselves from the pain of it all.

There are a variety of cultural approaches to death, and some of these can be witnessed in Australia, and heavily rely on family and community members to care for the dying and the body after death, and provide ongoing care for the family of the person who has died.  However others outsource as much of the dying and death process as they can.

So, What is Palliative Care?

It’s not just the end. It’s a way to live with dignity, comfort, and support,  right until the very end.  It is especially important for someone suffering from a terminal illness.   It does not mean imminent death but assists as that becomes closer.

Let’s Start with Preparing for Ageing and Death

I know not all deaths occur when we are old, and for some, there’s no time to prepare.

Unfortunately, it’s like Tattslotto in reverse, we wait a lifetime hoping our number doesn’t get drawn, but we have no control over it.

Now, just imagine we lived in a perfect world. Not perfect enough to live forever or pick our own use-by date, but perfect enough to reach old age and plan a good death.

If we want our older years and our death to be more about what we want, then we need to plan.

The Best Piece of Advice I Can Give?

Spend time with your significant others and your GP to develop both an Advance Care Plan and an End of Life Directive.

What Is an End of Life Directive

You might also know this as a Living Will.

It’s a document that outlines your preferred medical interventions, palliative care options, and personal values regarding quality of life.

Usually, this is created after conversations with loved ones, health providers, and legal representatives to make sure your wishes are known and respected.

My End of Life Directive Says:

• If I have a terminal illness, do not treat me to stay alive if I’m acutely ill.

• I would like to die at home but realistically, I may end up in care. If so, I’d like to die looking out a window into a garden.

• People who are coming out of guilt or for appearances, need not

• Don’t come to my deathbed to make amends. I will have made peace with anything you or I have done, or I will not wish to.

• If there is a funeral, I’d like it held in a Salvo’s Church. (But that may change by the time I die!)

• When I need mouthwash, please use Coke. I’m dying anyway, I may as well rot my teeth.

• When I die, I want to be cremated and turned into a firework, and let off at a nighttime fireworks display at a get-together with family and friends, with Yes Sir, I Can Boogie playing in the background. (Yes, this is true  and yes, you can do it.)

These can be hard conversations but one hour of discomfort now can bring peace of mind for years to come.

What Is an Advance Care Directive?

This is a more formal document that records your end-of-life care preferences. It includes your values, medical decisions, and may appoint someone to make decisions on your behalf if you cannot.

It’s an important part of understanding what palliative care can look like for you whether at home, in a hospital, or in a care facility.

 

My Advance Care Directive Says:

• I have appointed my eldest son as my medical power of attorney

• I only want resuscitation if I have a chance at full recovery.

• If I am unable to care for myself, or I am over 80, I do not want to be resuscitated

• If I have a terminal illness, I do not want to be resuscitated.

• If I can’t feed myself, I don’t want to be tube-fed.

• I want my organs donated.

• I would like my Christian beliefs to be respected.

• If I have dementia  and the law changes, and the family can decide on euthanasia, I support whatever decision they make

• I don’t mind dying alone. My family should only be with me if they want to. There is no expectation and no judgement.

Oh goodness, time for another joke…

What’s the difference between death and marriage?

No one ever asks to get married when they’re dead!!

A Helpful Resource

If you’re starting this journey, or helping someone else begin theirs, here’s a helpful place to look:

🔗 Planning Your Palliative Care – health.gov.au

Need Palliative Care Support? Talk to Di Geddes

If you or someone you love is approaching end-of-life and needs palliative care, I’m here.

I’m Di Geddeds, a death doula and registered nurse who believes everyone deserves the best possible end to their life, one filled with dignity, kindness, and personal choice.

Whether you need someone to walk alongside you, help with planning, or just have an honest chat, I’d be honoured to support you.

Talk to Di